Firstly, i'll just state for the record that this blog has really turned into my own therapeutic self indulgent whinge-fest for you all who so generously give up your precious time (thank you <3) to read it can cringe vicariously through me. And laugh at me in the process and think "thank fuck I'm not you..... But I like your gifs."
So, to reiterate my self-indulgent nature, I recently bonded with a friend of mine over our incessant interest in potential date candidates shoes. A rule of mine (and many of my friends) has always been if I like your shoes then you've won the first battle. If I don't like them, step awaaaay from the boobs. Until I get to know you. I will now count down the scale of shoes 10 to 1. 10 being you-have-no-hope, to 1 being excuse-me-while-I-undress.
Now, this is just one girls opinion. And I'm open for discussion (And hey, at this point in my life beggars cannot necessarily be choosers...). Like Lois Griffin's meatloaf, you may find me shallow and pedantic. But I'm pretty sure most of you would disagree if I was to say a southern cross tattoo, Bommadore and fashionable mullet (I like to pronounce those ones mullay) was a must have in a potential mate. So it's all relative.
On that note let's begin the count down!
10. New balance sneakers - I fear that as an appearance slash sub-cultural whore this will not work out because you lack interests that I find substantial to life....soz.
9. Pointy leather/snake skin shoes - BAHAHAHAHAHA
8. Deck shoes/loafers - first date: pick me up in your dad's (shudder) Audi to go to a Queensland Reds game and proceed call all of your grammar friends "chode". No.
7. Nike sneakers - now, this one could definitely go either way. Toby Morse of H2O has the largest collection of Nike sneakers on the west coast of the US according to their "nothing to lose" LP. So that is a big argument in the pro category (just TRY and argue with me that those guys aren't amazing). But those silly slip-on ones with no laces that are whiter than Hilary duff's teeth? Gtf away from me.
6. Skate shoes - ahhhh the high school memories. Back in the day when the Dickies were low, tube socks were high and the slide belt was the height of skater punk fashion (we all did it in the 90s). I am concerned that you are still stuck in 1998 and think lagwagon are freakin sweet (errrrr i was just never a fan.... This is uncomfortable.....)
5. Kung-fu shoes - very popular among the crusty punks at one point, Paired with cut offs and a Fucked Up (the band, not the drug use) shirt, you had me at hello. However, the cleaner they are the more likely I am to assume you "squat" in at parent's. Have I used the crustfund joke yet?
4. Dr Martens - now, number 4, 3, and 2 were a tough pick for supremacy. However Dr Martens can also mean dirty hipster these days. Therefore unless paired with Fred Perry, then no, I do not like Mumford and Sons.
<3
Scarf.... Wut?
3. Macbeths - a very VERY close third. I already guess that our musical tastes and interests will align in a cosmic way. Sigh.
2. Vans - a classic choice, a classic man. They have Warped Tour. Nuff said.
Aaaaaand the NUMBER 1 shoe for a man (in my opinion)
<insert obligatory drum roll comment here>
CREEPERS (brothel or sneaker) - excuse me while I undress.
Honourable mentions go to the classic Converse Chuck Taylor's, cowboys boots, and steel caps (tradies are hot).
Other failures include thongs, crocs, reef sandals (unless you're my dad, uncle or grandfather, then you are exempt) or no shoes at all (sorry, I don't have any change on me).
It is hard to say that I judge on appearance but when all is said and done we live in a material world and Robbie Hart is a material girl. It's more so a way for us girls to gauge the type of man you may or may not be. Self expression starts with your aesthetic persona and we are all guilty of judging the book by it's cover, so at least try and be cautious of the person you present to the world when you're in the mood to impress. But all hope is not lost! At the end of the day if your fun, interesting and treat us right we will eventually fall for the man and not the shoes.
Your homework is to come up with your own list! It's fun when you're lifeless and have no cats.
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